The Black Saturday retreat takes me beside Mary, the Mother of Christ. Who else will be with the Lord all the way to the Calvary but her mom. I was shown how her faith accompanied her in witnessing all the agonies her son has to go through before the resurrection.
I was so privileged to come across with this site so I could do my personal "general cleaning". It is the perfect time to reflect, sort out things in my life, throw away those garbage that I kept hiding for so long.
I was reminded that I am a "work in progress". The retreat helped me to identify the sins and vices, the needs and fears that enslaved me and that kept me away from the grace of God.
I was lead to the reading of Scripture Passage according to John 2:14-21 in which Jesus did the Cleansing of the Temple. In this reading, I saw an angry Jesus to the point that he made a whip of cords. He was so upset with the corruption within the temple that took unfair advantage over the poor. For Him, "His Father’s house is not to be turned into “a den of thieves.”"
Just like us, Jesus experienced the basic human emotions: joy, sadness, fear and anger. It is important for us to be aware of our feelings, to be able to name them, so we can manage them.
I was asked, "What are you feeling right now?" I know sadness fills my heart. The feeling of loneliness envelopes me, the longing for that special someone consumes me, the frustration of not being able to achieve what I wanted depresses me. And most of the time, I let my emotions rule over me and take charge of my decision making. And I know, I need to work on it; I need to balance my logic and reason and my emotion in discerning things.
I was again lead to another Scripture Reading from the book of John 21:1-9 which accounts the loveliest appearance of the Risen Lord. Here, unrecognized by the apostles, he appeared before them asking if they caught any fish. Finding out there was none, He told them to cast the net at the right side of the boat. The apostles did as they were told and caught so much that they were not able to haul it.
The miraculous catch of fish is a trademark of Jesus; a trademark of his lavish love for us. Let me quote, "One sign of the Lord’s Easter presence in our lives is extravagance, a selflessness that doesn’t bother to count the cost. When people transcend themselves, when they are able go beyond themselves– against every odd– and love and serve lavishly, even when it hurts, the Risen Lord is surely there. We can recognize the Lord’s presence only if we do as he says, open to God's surprises, and willing to take risks."
Lord, help me to be like Peter, who trusted you with all his heart, who did not allowed his sense if unworthiness keep him away from you and who exerted an effort to do the part of the work. I know Lord you are leading me to do Your will, I just need to do my part of the bargain. And now I am saying, "Yes Lord! I am ready!"
In my life I receives two kinds of love from the Risen Lord, the tough love and the tender love. Most of the time, I am receiving his tender love, when my life is smooth and orderly, when everything is at peace and happy. But there were times, when things are inconvenient, when my prayers are unanswered when I needed it the most, when things are tough and I felt so alone, I know it's His tough love that's is prominent, not to break my heart, but to teach me lessons of patience and trust.
These lines from the song Beautiful City by Stephen Schwartz touches me the most. Just recently, I experienced the feeling of ineffectiveness and unworthiness. I asked my self, where these feelings would lead me? Where do I go from here? Is it still for me? Or is it time to change course? I observed, I always flew away when things are not happening as I expected; when I'm frustrated with the outcomes of what I did, blaming myself for all the flaws, and my only resort is to walk away. But I decided to stay. This time, I have to face my fears - my fear of rejection and my fear of failure.
The retreat reminded me that God lavishly loves me and my heart should be full by His love right now, what more can I ask for.
Let me share the beautiful prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola which is the retreat's Closing Prayer:
Just like us, Jesus experienced the basic human emotions: joy, sadness, fear and anger. It is important for us to be aware of our feelings, to be able to name them, so we can manage them.
I was asked, "What are you feeling right now?" I know sadness fills my heart. The feeling of loneliness envelopes me, the longing for that special someone consumes me, the frustration of not being able to achieve what I wanted depresses me. And most of the time, I let my emotions rule over me and take charge of my decision making. And I know, I need to work on it; I need to balance my logic and reason and my emotion in discerning things.
I was again lead to another Scripture Reading from the book of John 21:1-9 which accounts the loveliest appearance of the Risen Lord. Here, unrecognized by the apostles, he appeared before them asking if they caught any fish. Finding out there was none, He told them to cast the net at the right side of the boat. The apostles did as they were told and caught so much that they were not able to haul it.
The miraculous catch of fish is a trademark of Jesus; a trademark of his lavish love for us. Let me quote, "One sign of the Lord’s Easter presence in our lives is extravagance, a selflessness that doesn’t bother to count the cost. When people transcend themselves, when they are able go beyond themselves– against every odd– and love and serve lavishly, even when it hurts, the Risen Lord is surely there. We can recognize the Lord’s presence only if we do as he says, open to God's surprises, and willing to take risks."
Lord, help me to be like Peter, who trusted you with all his heart, who did not allowed his sense if unworthiness keep him away from you and who exerted an effort to do the part of the work. I know Lord you are leading me to do Your will, I just need to do my part of the bargain. And now I am saying, "Yes Lord! I am ready!"
In my life I receives two kinds of love from the Risen Lord, the tough love and the tender love. Most of the time, I am receiving his tender love, when my life is smooth and orderly, when everything is at peace and happy. But there were times, when things are inconvenient, when my prayers are unanswered when I needed it the most, when things are tough and I felt so alone, I know it's His tough love that's is prominent, not to break my heart, but to teach me lessons of patience and trust.
♫♪♪When your trust is all but shattered
When your faith is all but killed
You can give up, bitter and battered
Or you can slowly start to build♫♪♪
These lines from the song Beautiful City by Stephen Schwartz touches me the most. Just recently, I experienced the feeling of ineffectiveness and unworthiness. I asked my self, where these feelings would lead me? Where do I go from here? Is it still for me? Or is it time to change course? I observed, I always flew away when things are not happening as I expected; when I'm frustrated with the outcomes of what I did, blaming myself for all the flaws, and my only resort is to walk away. But I decided to stay. This time, I have to face my fears - my fear of rejection and my fear of failure.
The retreat reminded me that God lavishly loves me and my heart should be full by His love right now, what more can I ask for.
Let me share the beautiful prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola which is the retreat's Closing Prayer:
Prayer for Generosity
Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous;
teach me to serve you as you deserve,
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labor and not to seek reward,
except that of knowing that I do your will.
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