Tatlong Taon Makalipas ng Tatlong Taon

(tatlong taon makalipas ng tatlong taon)

nahalukay sa baul:


'TIL THE NEXT LIFE

I don’t know if its just about the rain…or just about the difficult situations I’m having right now…or just because this should be our “Big Day”….but the bottom line…I miss you…I want to run to you..cry at your shoulders and tell what is wrong. I miss my best friend…I miss that special person who understands me when no one does. But I know I pushed you away…and will no longer come back.

Three years…it’s been three years since you said to me that you are happy when you are with me…and that I felt the same way with you. Since then we became the very best of friends, we shared each other’s hardships, sufferings, defeat, struggles and as well as our triumphs, accomplishments, achievements and joys. We are there during the ups and downs of our lives. You are my best friend and eventually…my "you-know-what"..the partner who I prayed for such a long time.

For those who really don’t understand what we’d been through would just say that we should just let each other go. Ironically, nobody does. Even I told you a lot of times that we should let each other go for reasons you all ready know. But you never told that same thing to me…in fact, what you are always saying is, “I don’t want to lose you.”

For three years, I fought for this love…I’ve waited for that day when you will finally tell those words that I longed to hear. But why is it that when it finally came, it still seems a dream…we can’t still be together. Is it really my fault? Or you just came late? Why it that our plans, our moves and actions do not always coincides? Is it fate? Or is it us?

I thought, I can stop my self from caring for you …I just need a matter time to think and reflect on everything we’d been through. The only difference now is that I’m not hoping anymore that we could have a happy ending…I am now contented with the though that once in my life..I had you. Those three years consumed so much of my strength and courage to continue this battle. I have so much of it. I felt like a defeated warrior left in the field. I don’t wanna fight anymore.

I’ll just cherish everything that we’ve had. If what I feel for you now isn’t love, I really don’t know what to call it. Just the old song…”what matters most”. Thanks for letting me hear those magic words…its better late than never.

If there’s such a thing as reincarnation, next life or what ever terminology relating to life after what we have right now…I just have one wish: that on that life…everything is rightfully made for us...and on that life it is US who will end up together.

(tatlong taon makalipas ng tatlong taon
eto pa din ako, nakatayo kung saan tayo huling nagtagpo
sinubukan kong mamuhay ng malayo sa'yo
pero bigo akong ibaon sa limot ang kahapon

siguro dahil sa batid nating sa huli'y di talaga tayo
mga ala-alang kay saya pilit nating inipon
upang landas man natin di na magtagpo
ala-ala ng pinagsamahan sa sulok ng puso nakatago

naghilom na ang mga sugat, galit din ay lumipas na
ngunit sa puso ko ay sadyang naiwan
isang malalim na hukay, isang malaking puwang
pano nga ba mapupunan, pano nga ba matatabunan)

My Pearl Year

Wonderful three decades, 30 years, 360 months, 10,957.3 days, 262,975.2 hours, 15,778,512 minutes, 946,710,720 seconds of my life. I can't imagine that I had come this far. As I look back, great things happened in my life and I am so thankful to God for letting me reach this fruitful age. I embrace this new stage of my life with excitement and enthusiasm; I believe that life has still a lot to offer and I still have more things to discover and experience on the days to come. 

Psalm 139: 13-18: "For thou didst form my inward parts, thou didst knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise thee, for thou art fearful and wonderful. Wonderful are thy works! Thou knowest me right well; my frame was not hidden from thee, when I was being made in secret, intricately wrought in the depths of the earth. Thy eyes beheld my unformed substance; in thy book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are thy thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with thee."

I feel so blessed!

Happy birthday to me! ^_^

Faded..

dull..

tarnished..

faded..

that's what it is right now...

a symbol..

a reminder..

a promise..

that ended..

tarnished..

faded..

it doesn't fit anymore..

no matter how hard i try..

just like this feeling..

faded..

memories are flowing..

i smiled..

i cried..

My Pen, Notebook and Short-Term Memory

I am someone who was born with so much hunger for learning.. I always love to read and engage in activities that will provide new experiences and feed unknown information to me. However, I lack the focus as to what type of information I wanted to deal with. There's a vast load of information out there and which one would I focus on that would be on my advantage? Well, that would be discussed separately.

Aside from the focus, wish I could have a great memory. What saddens me is that I have this so-called "short-term memory loss" Yeah! I cannot keep trivial things on a longer scale. Ask me what I wear yesterday or what did I had for dinner, more often that not, it would be hard for me to recall it. 

My passion for gaining information and my inability to recall trivial things was resolved by a notebook and a pen. Yes, as an HR personnel, I always receive a vast of information, a handful of requests and a long list of to do works that whenever they come together at the same time, I will no be able to handle all of them if I will not list down everything in my notepad. It's been automatic, in which I viewed as my way of coping up with this weakness.

Same thing, when I read a book (especially if it's just a borrowed one) I used to jot down (yes, again I have this personal notebook just for this purpose - well, my diary is a different story) the everything that is striking to me or I feel is very imporant for me to remember. This process also enables me to process the passage at the same time. Because of this, I was able to compile a book which contains excerpts from different books, quotes, stories, poems or whatever that seems to be very important for me to keep. Where is it now? Well.. 

Given this limit will not stop me from searching and learning new things.. I will always have a new notebook and pen with me anyway.. :)

Si Hesus, Maria, ang Rosaryo at Ako

Maaring para sa iba ang rosaryo ay isang paulit-ulit na dasal na walang kahulugan. Ngunit para sa akin, ang pagdarasal ng rosaryo ay isang ugnayan at pagbabahagi ng buhay ni Hesus kasama ni Maria.

Naging kagawian ko na ang magrosaryo sa sasakyan pag papasok na ko sa trabaho. Maski nung nag-aaral pa lang ako, dahil halos 2 oras ang byahe ko papuntang kolehiyo, dun ako nagkakaroon ng pagkakataon na makapagrosaryo . Dumating din ako sa puntong kinatamaran ko na ding magdasal nito, hanggang sa kaninang umaga, naramdaman ko ang kagustuhan ulit na magnilay sa pamamagitan ng mga misteryo nito. 

Dahil Sabado, ang pagninilayan ko ay ang Misteryo sa Tuwa. Sa gitna ng aking pagdarasal ay may bigla akong napagtanto: sa sandaling ito, ibinabahagi nila sa akin ang mga pangyayari na nagbigay sa kanila ng lubos na kagalakan. Parang silang nagkukwento ng masasayang kaganapan ng kanilang buhay. Naalala ko kung panong ganun din ako sa kanila sa mga pagkakataong sobrang tuwa-tuwa ako sa mga pagkakataong may magandang nangyari sa buhay ko. 

Tulad ng tao ang buhay nila ay binuo din Tuwa, Hapis, Liwanag at Luwalhati. Sa pagiging tao ng Diyos, namuhay Sya na katulad natin: tumatawa, nasasaktan, nagagalit, nakikipag-kaibigan,  itinatwa, hinangaan, inalipusta. Sa pamamagitan ng pagninilay-nilay natin ng mga misteryo ng Santo Rosaryo, nakikibahagi tayo sa kanilang naging buhay patungo sa kaluwalhatian. Ito ang nagiging tagapag-paalala na ang Diyos ay kaisa din natin sa bawat yugto ng ating buhay.